Suri Cruise turns 1

One year ago today, the successful Scientology experiment codenamed Suri Cruise was born. How she was conceived is still a mystery plaguing top researchers to this day. Many claim Suri to be a test tube baby. Could it be she was natural? Did Tom Cruise’s penis not shrivel up and run away upon entering the uncharted territories of a vagina? People have looked towards Katie Holmes for an answer. Alas, she has none. She was unconscious throughout the whole ordeal and only awoke to find herself dressed as a collegiate wrestler while Tom Cruise sat huddled in a corner whimpering. So, happy birthday Suri Cruise. May your tale live on even after death.