Britney Spears

Over the weekend at Sky Bar in LA, Britney Spears resumed her downward spiral. Only days before posting a message on her website blaming everyone but herself, the 25-year-old Spears hit the bottle too hard and retired to the toilet for an hour. Security intervened and discovered a sight almost as beautiful as a unicorn in the mist.

“Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. There was vomit down the front of her dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times.”

Britney was said to be vomiting uncontrollably before they found her and was covered in puke when security took her out. Classy. You’d expect Britney’s kids to have learned some basic life skills by now. You’d be wrong. The only thing they know how to do is pull mommy’s hair back, light mommy’s cigarette and not scream when mommy gets sloppy drunk an hour later and stubs out the cigarette on their arm.