Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan’s estranged father, Michael Lohan, has been cashing in since being released from prison. He reveals to E! his daughter has multiple addictions including ones to alcohol and the painkiller OxyContin.

“I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care,” Michael Lohan told E! Online. “And I’m satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That’s a very important step.”

Thanks Michael. You’re satisfied rehab is rehabbing her. I’m glad you double checked. You’re such a good father, but have you taught her those other important lessons? Such as, fire is hot and ice is cold or don’t look directly into the sun. Here’s another one, penis + vagina – condom = cha-ching*.

* 1 out of 3 times.