Lindsay Lohan

In 2005, Lindsay Lohan released her first album titled A Little More Personal (Raw) — I believe the “raw” refers to how she likes being f’d. Starting June or July and lasting 4 months, Lindsay Lohan will record her second album, which she describes as “urban pop.”

Sure to become an instant classic, it will features such hits as, “I snort coke off dirty toilet seats,” “Rehab is for quitters,” and my personal favorite, “My vagina has been through so much abuse it’s now connected to my rectum.” This’ll make the perfect gift for friends to show them you hope their eardrums rupture right before they climax during masturbation. That last part makes no sense. I just thought the imagery was funny.