Paris already has a roommate

A cell mate has been hand picked for Paris Hilton by officials at the jail she’ll be staying at. Disappointingly, the inmate is only there for reckless driving and not aggravated assault with a bloody tampon. Paris’ new friend is already waiting for her in their cell. Guards are currently searching and disposing of any electronic recording devices that may be used to profit off of Paris and have been warned that they will be fired if they take any pictures. A written “protocol” has specifically been made for her listing “when and how things should be done for her.”

I hope her roommate has a temper and some really strong hands. In fact, I hope the roommate sneaks into Paris’ bed in the middle of the night, farts under the sheets and pulls the covers over the socialite’s head. That’ll teach her a thing or two about drunk driving and violating probation. Did I forget to mention putting a bar of soap in a sock and clubbing her with it? I think that would be the focal point of the lesson.