Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton responded with a statement prepared by her fancy new lawyer in regards to the prevalent belief that she thinks she’s above the law. An idea perpetuated by those against Paris Hilton (read: everyone).

“After reading the media’s coverage of my court hearing, I feel the need to correct what I believe are misperceptions about me. I absolutely realize how serious driving under the influence is. I could not live with myself if anyone was injured or killed while I was driving while impaired. Clearly, no one should — no matter how slightly.

I am ready to face the consequences of violating probation.

No one is above the law. I surely am not. I do not expect to be treated better than anyone else who violated probation. However, my hope is that I will not be treated worse.”

This statement couldn’t have come at a better time. Jail is all about status quo. And lookie here. Life & Style reports Paris has already made a few friends in the clink. The socialite has received really heartwarming welcome notes (no doubt written on lovely prison stationary) that say she’ll “be beaten to a pulp” and her shoes will be stolen on her first day. Sweet. Kind of like a hazing. After that, everything will be cool, right bitches? Not so much. Other inmates have written less flowery warnings to Paris like “We’re going to get you” and my personal favorite, “I’m going to kill you.” The creativity is a little lacking, but it drives the point home like a sharpened toothbrush through the spleen.