Paris Hilton

Natalia McLennan, the former $2,000-an-hour hooker billed as “New York’s No. 1 Escort” and who spent 26 days at Rikers Island, has told Paris Hilton to be very afraid of jail. Before Hilton even gets situated, she must go through the rubber gloved full-body cavity search. Natalia also suggests she gets used to horny lesbian inmates eyeballing her and that she make a Nicole Richie type friend to watch her back in the shower. Despite all this, the one thing Paris can count on is that jail will feel very much like her regular life. The last part anyway.

“It’s the worst experience of your life – you’re locked up, the food is disgusting and everybody wants to be your friend, but in the end they just want to [bleep] you.”

I bet these aren’t even the really hot lesbians I see on TV pillow fighting each other. They’re probably the really crazy ones with beards and floppy boobs who like to give each other creative tattoos. When Paris gets out, she’s gonna have one on her ass that reads, “While you were knocked out, I pleasantly violated you with a bar of soap you dirty” then the line goes all squiggly because that’s when Paris woke up screaming.

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