Paula Abdul

There were reports earlier that Paula Abdul tripped over her chihuahua, breaking her nose and fracturing her toe. Oddly enough, there were no signs of swelling the day after the incident. Today, a source claims it’s just a cover-up for what really happened.

She had pitched a fit, threw something into a mirror or glass object, and a shard of glass struck her in the face, which explains why Paula’s nose didn’t seem swollen,” said our spy.

I bet she was drunk. Might as well suspend her license. She’s always drunk. Shaving her legs? Drunk. Putting on makeup? Drunk. Phone with mom? Drunk. Opening a bottle of beer? Definitely drunk and probably out of Vodka. If she blew into a breathalyzer, it would start beeping and then blow up and the cop’s face would be black with soot and then Paula would go, “Meep. Meep,” and dash away leaving a cloudy outline of her figure.

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