Rosie O'Donnell

Stemming from the recent blow-up between Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Rosie quit The View three weeks earlier than anticipated. The president of ABC daytime issued this statement:

“We had hoped that Rosie would be with us until the end of her contract three weeks from now, but Rosie has informed us that she would like an early leave. Therefore, we part ways, thank her for her tremendous contribution to ‘The View’ and wish her well.”

While Barbara Walters said,

“I brought Rosie to the show. Rosie contributed to one of our most exciting and successful years at “The View.” I am most appreciative. Our close and affectionate relationship will not change.”

Upon her exit, her ass got stuck in the doorway. Three maintenance men and a candy apple on a rope later, she was free and waddling her way into the sunset like David Carradine to the next batch of free donuts.