Paris Hilton

In a concentrated effort to avoid jail, an idea born from the dimly lit basement that is Paris and her handler’s minds, the soon to be incarcerated socialite attended Catholic church in Beverly Hills and visited her sick father at Cedar Sinai hospital over the weekend. The picture above is the collage Paris made for her dad. If I saw that thing, I’d ask the doctors to pull the plug. And if I wasn’t plugged into anything, I’d hide in that trash can where they put used needles.

Below are pictures of Paris dressed all in white, symbolizing purity *snicker*, going to church. Although, every time she tried going in, she would burst into flames. Newly re-hired publicist Elliot Mintz says it’s because God is prejudiced. Elliot then sprouted horns, a tail and hooves and screamed maniacally as he bore into the ground. Very strange.

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