Britney Spears

The National Enquirer reports Britney has been dating her drug counselor / real estate developer, John Sundahl and her mother couldn’t be any more thrilled. They first met at his house to discuss the twelve step program, but it soon turned into Britney mauling him like a chocolate Easter bunny.

“Britney and John ended up making out beside the pool – and Britney acted like she didn’t care who saw her. She’s got no shame.”

I’d hate to make out with Britney. The first thing you notice when she opens her mouth are the pieces of popcorn stuck in her teeth. Sticking your tongue in her would be like sticking your tongue in a blend of ham, ice cream and Cheetos. In fact, why don’t you just do that. It seems a lot safer and you don’t have to worry about Britney accidentally eating you.