Christina Aguilera

A “well-placed” source tells Page Six that Christina Aguilera is three months pregnant with husband Jordan Bratman’s child. I admit it. The source is me. I placed a microphone in her uterus. The baby says “Hi” or so my primate to English dictionary tells me.

“She’s been telling friends,” said one snitch, who revealed, “she has to be three months now, because she’s announcing it.”

The question on everybody’s mind is what species of monkey will this baby be. Orangutan? Chimpanzee? Bonobo? Or just an overgrown sewer rat? God, the suspense is killing me.

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