I’ve reported on Mike Tyson here before which means I should definitely report on Chuck Liddell (since I love MMA and, yes, I will marry it). Plus, it’s better than more Paris Hilton.

Liddell, as some of you may know, is the ex-UFC champion who had his ass summarily handed to him by Quinton “Rampage” Jackson for the second time. This time his corner didn’t even have to throw in the towel!

However, even though Chucky was on the receiving end of a beatdown almost as vicious as the one I got after walking in on Rosie O’Donnell in a threesome with a donut and a hamburger, he managed to pull himself together and find solace in these two upstanding citizens. He’s so courageous.

Really though. This is weird. Whenever I’m beat up — which is never — ladies don’t give me a lap dance, make out with each other and then make out with me. Usually they point and laugh. Which is totally unnecessary because I barely peed myself.