Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton’s Beverly Hills neighbors fear for the safety of her pets and claim she treats them “horribly”. In turn, they are becoming makeshift animal shelters as they take in her animals so they don’t get run over.

“She had a little orange kitty about a year ago that kept getting out and we kept telling her it was outside. She didn’t seem like she cared, and then one day the cat got run over in the middle of the street and died. Not long after, little [Chihuahua] Tinkerbell came to my door and I left a note on her gate. Her assistant came over frantic and tried to offer me a $40 reward. I said, ‘Don’t insult me.’ “

Paris used to buy a new pet every week. She probably gets bored of dressing the same one up so she decides to find another. Flushing a chihuahua down the toilet doesn’t work too well, so she ends up with an animal farm. One day they’ll all meet up in the garage and concoct a plan to beat Paris like the fat kid in Full Metal Jacket. The dogs will hold her down while the cats punch her in the face with their cute little paws and instead of helping her, Paris’ friends will all huddle around to watch and say in cutesy voices, “Aww, how adorable.” Because it totally is.

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