Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton has been released from jail 5 days (officially) into her 23 day sentence which was cut down from an original 45 day sentence. No wait, she has been “reassigned”, fitted with an ankle bracelet and put under house arrest in her West Hollywood home for the next 40 days. Authorities released Paris at 2 a.m. for medical reasons which they can’t disclose due to confidentiality.

Paris will be under house confinement in her West Hollywood home for 40 days, where she has a 3000-4000 ft. radius of freedom. Her jail cell was 96 square feet. After the 40 days are up, Whitmore says she will have “fulfilled her debt to society.”

The LA sheriff’s department just slapped everyone in the face. How does a 23 day jail sentence in a 96 square foot cell turn into a 40 day stay in her luxurious mansion? Oh, that’s right, because celebrities don’t get special treatment. Basically, what Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Dept. spokesperson Steve Whitmore is telling us is Paris Hilton is grounded for 40 days and he will gladly clean her asshole with his tongue. I believe his exact words were, “May I clean your anus with my tongue Paris?” And what’s this mysterious medical condition? Is it herpes? I bet it’s herpes. It better not be herpes. It better be something incredible like her vagina will explode if a penis hasn’t been in it for a week. I believe the condition is known as “slut”.

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