Paris Hilton talks to Ryan Seacrest

Who better to talk to Paris Hilton than her male counterpart Ryan Seacrest. During an interview on his radio show, the dynamic duo waxed philosophical about appreciation, being made fun of in the media and still not understanding what prison is all about. Us Magazine has the transcript.

On gaining new perspective:
“I’m so much more grateful for everything that I have, even just to have a pillow at night or food. You know, my gratitude has gone up so much.”

On her place in the media:
“I just realize that the media used me to make fun of and be mean about it…[I am] frankly sick of it and I want to use my fame in a good way.”

On the difficulty of visits in jail:
“I am behind glass and I want to give my dad a big hug and they won’t even let me do that. That’s how the rules are, you have to be behind glass. I’m not a criminal, I’m not dangerous, so it makes me feel like that. It’s hard but I’m stronger everyday.”

I vow on this day to make fun of Paris whenever possible. Even if she does something spectacular like curing cancer. Sure, you cured cancer, but what about world hunger? When you gonna cure that numbnuts? Or, what took you so long to put a complete stop to the AIDS epidemic? Hmm? You dummy! Then I’ll smack her on the head with a rolled up newspaper like a bad dog.