Paris Hilton

In an exclusive interview with People magazine, Paris Hilton talked about her 23 days in jail. The bubble-headed hotel heiress who swears she has turned over a new leaf said, “I was basically in the fetal position, basically in hysterics,” describing her first nights in jail. Paris says about her “medical condition,”

“The doctors were observing me while I was there. They explained to Sheriff [Lee] Baca that they thought I was having severe anxiety, panic attacks, claustrophobia.”

Oh, boo hoo. It’s jail. I don’t expect someone who was just kneed in the groin to perform a magic show for me. I expect them to drop to the floor crying. And maybe later, they’ll think twice about charging me 50 cents for 25 cents worth of lemonade at their second-rate lemonade stand. Yea, that’s right. Run to mommy.

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