Fishkill police (holy crap, there’s a town called Fishkill) are searching for the boy Akon threw off stage Sunday at KFEST. The article says the kid threw a pretzel at Akon which didn’t hit him. At which point, security asked Akon if he wanted to bring the kid up. He said yes and the rest is a lifetime of chiropractic history.

“We’re trying to identify that kid, just to find out whether or not we have any kind of criminal offense. We are looking to speak to him. No victim. No crime.”

WSPK, the radio station that put on the event, GM Jason Finkelberg said of the incident, “I don’t think he intended malice on this guy. I think it was in the spirit of the show.” Huh? Seems like Akon gets into the spirit of things way too easily. Remind me to never go to his concert. I don’t want to be dry humped and thrown off the stage. Well, at least, not without dinner and a movie. And flowers. There’s gotta be flowers. I’m a hopeless romantic.