Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise, who has reached the highest level of “clear”, is set to marry Australian heir James Packer, one of Sceintology’s biggest benefactors. I don’t know what goes on in a Scientology wedding and I’m too lazy to look it up. I’m just going to assume it involves eating placenta cake and a fake spaceship and Mark Mcgrath from Sugar Ray and instead of exchanging wedding rings, they’ll just spin around in circles until they collapse.

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