Sarah Silverman

The 2007 MTV Movie Awards take place this Sunday, June 3. Hosted by Sarah Silverman, the show will feature performances by Rihanna, Jay-Z and Amy Winehouse. The leading nominees include Pirates of the Caribbean and 300 with four and five nominations respectively. Making guest appearances are Cameron Diaz, Victoria Beckham, Jessica Biel, John Travolta, Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Samuel L. Jackson, and Katherine Heigl.

However, in addition to popcorn trophies and craptastic performances, there’s a certain level of opulence an awards show like this must maintain. And how is that done you ask? The goody bags. Filled with god knows what, these bags are worth more than 4 pristine black market kidneys. Able to fund a small army of AK-47 wielding children, these gift bags serve a dual purpose: entice celebs to sit through 3 mind-numbing hours of awards and “comedy” and have them act as walking advertisements. So what’s in the bags? Well, an ass load of free stuff, most of which no average person will ever be able to use or want to use. The (really long) list after the jump. It’s mainly useless stuff like grooming products. Missing from the list are cyborg monkeys which yours truly has. Suck on that John Travolta.

  • 2007 Grand Prix Arizona and owners Dale Jensen & Bradley Yonover invite the MTV Movie Awards participants to enjoy their VIP All-Access pass to the 2007 Grand Prix Arizona…186mph through the streets of downtown Phoenix November 30, December 1-2, 2007! A festival of speed…where this Champ Car race meets the eco-friendly world! This gift Includes: round-trip airfare to Phoenix, deluxe hotel accommodations, ground transportation, VIP race credentials for owner’s suite, pits & paddock, high-speed pace car rides, complimentary VIP admission to all Grand Prix Arizona sponsored dinners, galas, concerts, parties…and…their inaugural Earthshift ’07 “Green Expo”.
  • Ahava will be gifting its new suncare products and some of its body products, along with a gift certificate to choose their other AHAVA favorites.
  • Aqua Di Parma will provide each receipt a gift certificate to redeem for products from the Acqua di Parma collection. Acqua di Parma is a division of LVMH. Each fragrance is composed of indigenous Italian Mediterranean essences of citrus fruits. Acqua di Parma is a sought-after classic that dominates the prestigious luxury goods market.
  • Bioque Technologies will be gifting several of its most popular products: the Serum XL (recognized in Europe as the ‘Serum of the Stars’), Formula 9 (fabulously firming facelift-in-a-jar) and Vitamin K1 (tackles everything from varicose veins to rosacea). Bioque’s luxurious anti-aging skincare line featuring our Nobel Prize Winning ‘Signal Technology.’
  • CCM will be gifting 6 special beer mugs along with ten cases of a selection of their beers-Dos Equis, Bohemia, Tecate and Sol
  • Dr Sebagh will be gifting his skincare essentials for the ultimate skincare regime. This package includes Foaming Cleanser, First Experience Kit, and Eye Expert.
  • Epson – The Epson MovieMateâ„¢ 30s takes home entertainment to the next level, combining a portable, high quality projector, a CD/DVD player and speakers all in one simple unit. With this convenient product, it’s easy to achieve brilliant widescreen performance anywhere – in the living room, at your neighbor’s or even outdoors. Enjoy action-packed DVDs or larger-than-life video games and sporting events. You can even share your digital photos in big-screen brilliance, or enjoy listening to your favorite CDs.
  • Gabriella Bolero will be gifting the participants a bustier and matching scarf realized in gold version for MTV Movie Awards. Two evening pieces that are cool and glamour even to dress up jeans. Their cut and manufacture are the expression of typical Italian style.
  • Gabriella Francesca will be gifting her jewelry designs. Her designs are offered in silver, gold and exotic beads. Her pieces combine a vintage feel with very-of-the-moment style. Gabriella is intimately involved in every phase of the company. She personally designs each piece and is present quite often during the manufacturing process, which is done here in the United States. Gabriella’s designs are bold statements that have been discovered by an ever-growing audience in New York, Miami, and across the country. Gabriella Francesca believes creative expression is found in every design that she offers
  • Gadget Universe will be gifting the luxurious Steinhausen Dunn Horitzon watch, the world’s thinnest luxury calendar watch, in addition to a gift certificate for $100 to Gadget Universe where they can shop for hundreds of additional gadgets and innovations.
  • Isola Luce will be gifting their candles which are pure 100% all natural palm oil from existing plantations to further help the environment we live in. Introducing Isola Luce’s highly fragrant and beautifully presented reed diffuser collection. Our hand blown crystal glass containers were chosen for their crisp clarity and elegant design. The reeds are of the highest quality, achieving maximum porosity for effective absorption of the fragrance oil and then diffusion of the scent into your home. The extra long reeds give a room more sophistication and a touch of natural color.
  • Jour & Nuit will be gifting the following sandals: “Brooke” in gold and “Lesley” in silver. Jour & Nuit, french for day and night, Jour & Nuit is the first luxury shoe to feature interchangeable straps that can be removed completely and transferred to other soles in the collection. Conceived and designed by Hillary Chan Latos, the collection is handcrafted in Italy and features revolutionary clasps on the interchangeable straps that are durable and strong to withstand everyday use. Each shoe comes with two sets of straps, with additional straps available for purchase separately.
  • L.A.M.B. Footwear will be gifting a gift certificate for talent to choose from their footwear collection.
  • Marchon Eyewear for Sean John will be gifting sunglasses from their new Sean John collection. Sean John Eyewear exemplifies sexy sophistication. Luxurious treatments, such as rich earth tones and wood effects, enhance classic and fashionable shapes creating cutting edge yet elegant designs. Subtle yet prevalent, the Sean John signature is replicated on to the interior of and every frame in his collection.
  • Ojo will be gifting The Ojo(tm) Personal Video Phone which is a whole new way of looking at your phone. Ojo’s high-quality video, its simple setup and ease of use are unmatched. Ojo delivers full-motion, well synchronized voice and video on a 7″ color display. Using Ojo is as easy as dialing a regular phone and unlike a webcam, Ojo doesn’t rely on your computer to operate. The Ojo experience meets consumer expectations of what video communication should be.
  • On Gossamer will a $250 gift certificate for recepients to order their favorites directly from OnGossamer. OnGossamer is best known for its sexy and sophisticated Gossamer Mesh. ONGOSSAMER® is a division of the Carole Hochman Design Group. Founded by designer Bubbles Smolev in Miami in 1988, ONGOSSAMER was built on innovation, style and comfort. Blending European craftsmanship with a Miami beach vibe, OnGossamer is a market leader in the American lingerie industry. New collections, colors and styles are introduced seasonally, providing women with a comprehensive, day-to-evening wardrobe of undergarment essentials.
  • Paul Frank Industries will be gifting the Paul Frank City Bike: Inspired by an old Schwinn one-speed hanging around the design offices, The Paul Frank City Bike comes with a three-speed Shimano gear and bridges the gap between a road bike and beach cruiser. Looking at road bikes from the 60s and remembering the trans-European ride taken in the film ‘A Little Romance’, the City Bike has a vintage feel with lightweight, contemporary construction. Specifically, the frame is made of Hi-tensile strength steel and hand Tig welded joints. The City Bike will make commuters rethink their BMWs and opt for a greener, cooler ride to work.
  • Phyto will be gifting from their new phytodensium line of anti-aging hair products and include a gift certificate for a service at Phyto Universe. Phytodensium: A revolutionary, new anti-aging hair system available in fine salons, Sephora and department stores September 2007. PHYTO has been a pioneer in the field of botanical hair care since the 1960’s.
  • Select Comfort will be gifting the participants a Queen Size SLEEP NUMBER 5000 bed set. The set includes: mattress, foundation, foundation legs, and Comfort Service Home Delivery and Setup.
  • Slingbox will be gifting the Slingbox PRO which lets you watch all your favorite home theater entertainment anywhere you go. Using an Internet connected computer or compatible mobile phone, you can watch and control your home TV, DVR, basic cable, digital cable box, or satellite receiver anywhere — around the house or half way around the world. With the Slingbox PRO, you will never be separated from your favorite TV shows, sports broadcasts breaking news stories, digital video recordings or video on demand.
  • Skyn Iceland will be gifting three brand-new products — The Antidote SPF18, Hyrdro Cool Firming Eye Gels and Angelica Lip Repair — and inviting gift recipients to enjoy the skyn ICELAND Anti-Stress Glacial Facial at Suite Retreat in New York City.
  • Solage Calistoga will be gifting this year’s talent with two nights in a one bedroom Studio, including one dinner for two in the resorts signature restaurant.
  • The Sports Club/LA will be gifting a one year Bicoastal Membership to the finest sports and fitness complex in the world, The Sports Club/LA
  • Surly Girl will be gifting a selection of Lizard, Python and Crocodile embossed Italian leather over-sized evening clutch in colors exclusively for the talent at MTV Movie Awards. From Surly Girl’s brand new “Robertson” collection. Tanned in Italy but made in the USA. Crocodile, Lizard and Python embossed leathers in tons of different colors. Lined with taffeta and extra pockets to fit blackberry, wallet, lip gloss, keys, etc…. Perfect for Surly Girls going from lunch at the Ivy to the MTV Movie Awards red carpet.
  • Symantec will be gifting its latest solutions for protecting one’s computers, cell phones, iPods, digital cameras and gaming systems. Along with computer data, unprotected consumers can suffer the loss of cherished digital photos and music files, as well as being opened up to a host of other attacks like hacking and identity fraud. These products include: Norton AntiVirus 2007, Norton Internet Security 2007, Norton Save & Restore and Norton 360.
  • Vintage China is reintroducing the accumulated aesthetic of 5000 years of culture – bridging the west and the east with style. Through the collection of indomitable Chinese civilization and American wardrobe staples, a new breed of clothing has emerged. Each Gift will be presented in a traditional Chinese pillow case made of silk, with traditional gold embroidery, which will include a pair of Vintage China branded items.