Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton’s former publicist Jonathan Jaxson claims panic attacks and depression are what got her out of jail. He says,

Paris was apparently suffering from severe panic attacks and depression, where she even became suicidal. Towards the end of her stay, Paris began, what others call, a nervous breakdown. Her psychiatrist was so concerned for her well being they did everything possible to get her to a place in which was comfortable for her and her health.

TMZ says,

Psychiatrist Charles Sophy visited Hilton in jail yesterday and the day before. We’re told after Sophy’s visit yesterday, word was passed to the Sheriff that Hilton’s mental state was fragile and she was at risk.

I would put that confused looking smiley face scratching its head right here, but I don’t know how. It’s like being sad in jail was unheard of until today. When the doctor told officials Paris was depressed, they probably looked at him funny like he just crapped on their carpet. Then they did a little football huddle whispering to each other, every so often shooting the doctor furtive glances . After breaking, I heard the main guy put on a Burger King crown, pounded his toy scepter on the floor and said, “She must leave! For jail equals happy and Paris not equal happy.” Then they went to Chuck E. Cheese to have pizza because apparently the system is run by a bunch of retards.