Aaron Eckhart

For an upcoming movie titled Bill with Jessica Alba, Aaron Eckhart had to pretend his nuts hurt, but in order to give a genuine performance, he found it necessary to put clothespins on his balls. Aaron tells Men’s Journal,

“I had to pretend that my nuts hurt, so I put a clothespin on my nuts. Otherwise, you’re just learning your lines and saying them. There’s no art in that. People say, ‘Why do you want to put a clothespin on your nuts?’ You know why? Because that’s what I do for a living.”

More actors should show this kind of dedication. Which is why I propose Paris Hilton stage a return to film. I can set her up with cushy roles like “Woman punched in the eye” and “Woman punched in the ovaries.” Admittedly, Paris is a horrible actor — I’d rather watch two frogs hump while someone pours magma into my ass — but I’m willing to do as many takes as necessary. I’ll even hire Mike Tyson to help her out. With my own money! I’m dedicated too.