Britney Spears

Recently, Britney Spears called OK! Magazine asking to speak directly to the editor-in-chief to arrange a tell-all interview and photo shoot. Yesterday, Britney showed up for said interview and quickly turned it into a disaster. TMZ reports that the photos taken are so unusable that it could kill her career and that execs at the mag are currently trying to decide whether to report the truth or cover it up to protect Britney.

Apparently, Brit Brit’s eyes rolled back in her head at one point, causing her to look half dead. Her mood, we’re told, was extremely erratic. She took frequent bathroom breaks our source says, and each time she returned her mood would change. She was also completely paranoid during the entire interview, fearing at one point the ceiling was about to cave in on her.

Britney also eschewed the help of two of LA’s best hair and makeup artists and instead, opted to use her “skanky” friends.

You’re probably thinking, “Oh boy. Here come the fried chicken, greasy finger jokes.” Not this time my friend. I’ll let good old blockquote do the heavy lifting.

At one point, Britney ordered up some fried chicken to munch on. We’re told after she chowed down, she wiped her hands on a several thousand dollar Gucci dress that she was wearing for the shoot, staining it with grease. Yuck! One of her dogs also needed some assistance in the housebreaking department. Our on-set spy says that the dog pooped all over the floor, and Brit used (what else?) — a Chanel dress to clean it up!

Wow. All Britney needs to do now is take out her used tampon in the middle of a crowded Starbucks and she’ll be as classy as me. Until then, I’ll be the only one walking down the street swinging my cane, sipping tea with my pinky pointed out and thumbing my nose at orphans. Envy me, people.

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