Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are finally divorced and have agreed to share equal time with the children. As a result, Britney asked the judge to seal the details of her custody sharing deal with K-Fed because she’s scared her kids will be kidnapped and held for ransom. I believe these would-be kidnappers are part of that radical terrorist cell called Child Protection Services. I don’t know what she’s so scared of. A wild cougar could kidnap her two kids and they’d be better off. The only thing Britney teaches them is how to double fry twinkies and shotgun a diet coke.