Lindsay Lohan

The National Enquirer reports on Lindsay Lohan’s abrasiveness towards her peers and her uncontrollable lust for men. A former friend of Lohan said the starlet became more arrogant the higher her star rose. At one point, Lindsay even claimed to be the greatest actress in the world. Despite her increased self-confidence, she still ragged on her fellow starlets.

  • Scarlett Johansson is “ugly, fat, and has no talent.”
  • Jessica Simpson “can’t sing and is as dumb as (bleep).”
  • Sienna Miller is a “no talent crackhead.”
  • Keira Knightly is a “flat, shallow, cardboard cutout of an
  • Jessica Biel is a “phony, scheming joke of an actress.”

Lindsay has offended the honor of my Scarlett. If I had a glove, I’d slap her on the cheek and challenge her to a dual. A sexy Jello wrestling duel. And she’d probably accept because she’s a sex starved maniac.

The troubled actress is also practically addicited to sex, says a source. “I don’t think Lindsay can sleep alone- absolutely refuses even to try- so she’ll drive around looking for some guy to be with,” disclosed a longtime friend of Lohan’s.
“One late night she drove up to Adam Levine’s house and text-messaged him from her car, asking to be invited in. But he refused her- and she was furious.
“Another night she did the same thing to actor Ryan Phillippe. He wouldn’t open the door for her either. She’s so affraid to be alone that she picks up strangers at clubs or on the street, just because they’re good-looking.”
“One night at the nightclub Les Deux, some guy I’d never seen before joined us. When I asked who he was, she said: ‘Oh, he’s the cashier at the liquor store I went to the other night. Isn’t he hot?’
“if she can’t find someone to spend the night with, she stays up until daylight- then takes some Xanax or Ambien tp get some sleep.”

Hooking up with cashiers from liquor stores? Waiting outside of celeb houses and texting them to let you in? Maybe Lindsay and I aren’t so different after all. Here I thought we were like the sun and the moon when in reality we’re like Rosie O’Donnell and hot pockets, popcorn chicken, milkshakes and fish tacos (I never really get tired of ridiculing Rosie).