Britney Spears to temporarily lose custody

According to Fox News, Britney Spears will have to turn over Jayden James and Sean Preston to Kevin Federline following testimony given by K-Fed’s secret witness, her former bodyguard.

During Monday’s custody hearing, Spears’ former bodyguard accused the pop star of having “issues of nudity and drug use” since she returned from rehab, and reports of a planned “hit” on Federline emerged.

TMZ also confirmed that there was no hit out on K-Fed. When asked, the FBI responded, “Why would you want to kill a retard?” Meanwhile, Britney is still trying to remember where she put her kids. Did she leave them in the pool or did she leave them in the car with the windows up? Ah well, they’ll turn up eventually. In the meantime, this king size Hershey bar needs Britney’s undivided attention.

Note: After Britney’s lawyer left, her manager soon followed. Now she’s all alone and she has a knife. Uh-oh. A butter knife. Whew.

Note #2: I don’t think I’ll ever run out of fat jokes for Britney.