Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton remembered she was supposed to be a changed woman who isn’t just a party girl. Which is why she claims to be giving children’s charities her old shoes and clothes.

Hilton reveals, “I have, like, a million clothes and more than 500 pairs of shoes, so I’m going to give a bunch of them to orphanages and children’s hospitals. I never wear something twice.”

Oh, you’re so generous Paris. Kids are going to be so happy that they get the scraps from your life of excess. You know what else you can use once and give away? Condoms. I like to throw them at homeless people. They get so excited that they start jumping up and down screaming. It fills my heart with such joy. Anyway, good luck finding an orphan girl who can wear Paris’ shoes. Bigfoot has size 11 feet.