Salma Hayek gave birth

Salma Hayek finally gave birth to whatever monster was hiding in her uterus for the past 9 months. Salma calls it a “girl” and has named her Valentina Paloma Pinault, Spanish for, “You ripped my vagina apart.” Mother and baby are reportedly doing well with little Valentina already smashing concrete blocks with her bare hands and wrestling bears to the ground.