Britney Spears

Word on the street is a 28-year-old unnamed man is trying to pawn a sex tape he secretly made of him and Britney Spears while she was vacationing in Hawaii in June of 07. He tells In Touch Weekly,

“It was just normal sex, we didn’t do anything crazy. It was a little disappointing. It lasted for about 25 minutes and then we passed out.”

When this tape is released it will provide definitive answers to some nagging questions. For example, when, if, Britney Spears is on top, how long does it take before she starts wheezing. My guess is 1 minute. Also, does she actually take snack breaks during sex? If she does, then that doesn’t bode well for me because then my jokes will be more a sad commentary about her life rather than whimsical banter that makes you pee yourself during your morning meeting.