Rosie O'Donnell

Rosie O’Donnell went on another spiel Wednesday night as usual. She pretty much admitted Barbara Walters fired her and that Barbara Walters uses Astroglide. Wait, what?

Rosie claimed onstage that Walters and other “View” couchmates wear earpieces through which producers tell them what to say, which she refused to do.

Rosie also confided that she and the veteran newswoman were actually so close early on in her tenure as moderator that Walters recommended Rosie use Astroglide, which, she added, took her by surprise.

Imagining Barbara Walters using lube is gross. Rosie O’Donnell saying it makes it even more gross. But, I’m not surprised. Barbara’s vagina must be drier than the Sahara. If you want to know what having sex with Barbara Walters is like, all you have to do is rub your penis between two pieces of sandpaper. If you want to know what a threesome with Barbara and Rosie is like, keep the sandpaper, but also dump 4 buckets of KFC original recipe onto the floor and roll around in it. Don’t forget to vomit either because that’s what you’ll be doing well after it’s over.