Ben Affleck is a bigger failure than previously believed

Even though Ben Affleck is now a successful actor with films like Daredevil, Gigli, Jersey Girl and Pearl Harbor under his belt, his life wasn’t always filled with so much promise. In an interview with Parade, Ben talks about the worst months of his life.

“I went to the University of Vermont because I had a kind of unrequited love for this high school girlfriend. She wasn’t even at the University but at another school nearby. But I thought if I went to a school near her, just maybe…I was really remedial about girls in so many ways. Interestingly, there are some parallels for things to come in my life.”

“Two weeks after I got there, I called her room,” he continues, “and some guy answered the phone! ‘Who is this guy?’ ‘He’s helping me study,’ she says. Sure.”

“Then, when I was playing an intramural basketball game, I fractured my hip. I was miserable,” he recalls. “I was now on crutches in the coldest university in America, living in the dorm farthest from the main campus, and I didn’t know a soul, nobody! I ate by myself in the cafeteria, and my girlfriend had a strange guy answering her phone! You laugh now, but I couldn’t even sit down in the cafeteria. I had to kind of lean over to eat. Things were quickly going sideways for me. It was the worst two and a half months of my life! I had to get away!”

“It was Thanksgiving,” he continues. “Obviously, things weren’t panning out. I hadn’t been to Spanish class in five weeks. I didn’t have a car. I called Matt. ‘You’ve got to pick me up! I can’t walk that well. Come and get me now!’ Matt was there in six hours. That was the last I ever saw of the University of Vermont. I never went back. I don’t think I have any credits. It was not money well spent.”

Cry, cry you little bitch. Seriously though. How many times has a college kid broken their hip? Ben is like some retard who can’t catch a break (har har). I should actually be pissed at Matt. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have had to sit through these piles of crap Affleck calls film. I could run toilet paper I wiped my ass with through a projector and it would be better than any recent Affleck film. I can see it now in Variety, “Turd stained tp bests Ben at Box Office, Affleck demands recount.”