Britney Spears

Britney Spears was ordered to hand over the kids to K-Fed yesterday. She did just that. Right away. She was so distraught that she went straight to her favorite tanning salon, Epitome, because the only way to get over the fact that your a terrible mother and had to hand over your kids to K-Fed of all people is to be bronze. Don’t worry about Britney. She’s miraculously managing to keep it together. And if you’re thinking the big, bad, mean judge should leave Britney alone, think again.

Last month, L.A. County Commissioner Scott Gordon ordered Britney Spears to do just four things to maintain 50/50 custody.

Spears was ordered to meet with a drug counselor — she didn’t do it.
Spears was ordered to submit to drug testing — she didn’t do it.
Spears was ordered to enroll in parenting classes — didn’t do it.
Spears was also required to sign the judge’s order — again, she didn’t.

Last Friday, Gordon also told Britney and K-Fed to not drive with the children unless they produced a valid California Driver’s License. Guess what happens on Monday? He sees video of Britney driving her kids around. Wow. She must really want her kids. It’s like trying to separate a lion from her cubs or a penis from Lindsay Lohan’s vagina.