Dog the Bounty Hunter

The National Enquirer obtained two tapes (one tape is over here) in which Dog Chapman can clearly be heard using the N word over and over while telling his son, Tucker, that he can no longer work with him unless he breaks up with his black girlfriend, Monique Shinnery. In an ironic twist, Dog explicitly states that part of the reason he wants the relationship to end is because he doesn’t want tapes of him saying the word “nigger” being leaked to The National Enquirer and jeopardizing everything he’s worked for. I guess that didn’t work out too well. A&E quickly released a statement in response to the tapes.

In response to this story, A&E network has released a statement saying: “A&E has just learned of the story released by the National Enquirer concerning Duane Dog Chapman. We take this matter very seriously. Pending an investigation, we have suspended production on the series. When the inquiry is concluded we will take appropriate action.”

TMZ reached out to Dog and was directed to Pastor Storey, who’s coincidentally black and described by USA Today as a pastor to the stars. He told TMZ Dog’s excuse was that he was angry at his son, not his girlfriend which makes perfect sense for his bigoted tirade.

Honestly, there’s really no way Dog can dig himself out of this hole. Unless he goes for the standby excuse that he was framed. Framed by someone who sounds exactly like him. Someone sporting an evil handlebar mustache named Dog… Blapman. Dog can even hold a press conference where he’ll look directly into the camera and shake his fist screaming, “This is the last time you screw with me Dog Blapman!” You know, really go that extra mile to convince people he’s not the racist one.

To help A&E recover from this ordeal, I have come up with a new network slogan: “A&E now with 100% less mullet”. A&E, you may pay me my royalties in gold bars at your earliest convenience.