Heidi Klum loves Seal’s big package

That’s right Heidi. That’s not a banana in my pants. It’s all me.

Seal and Heidi Klum made a rare joint appearance on The Oprah Winfrey Show where Heidi said the first thing she noticed about Seal was his big package. People says,

“I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow,” Klum tells Oprah Winfrey on her show’s Superstar Couples episode set to air Thursday.

Wow, as in Seal was wearing bicycle shorts.

“And I pretty much saw everything,” says Klum. “The whole package.”

This pretty much disproves those feel good shows where women say size doesn’t matter. It matters. Well, it matters if you want to bang a model like Heidi Klum. Which is why I get so much tail. Rarely have I disappointed any supermodel. I don’t know if it’s because of my huge wiener or this trick I learned. If a girl ever gives me a frowny face when I drop my pants, I pull out a baseball bat and yell, “Would you like THIS better?! Huh?! Huh?!,” while shaking it in their face. After which I’d run to the bathroom and start crying. Pity sex is the best. Correction. Pity sex with my huge wang is the best.