Michelle Trachtenberg

I’ll be honest. I have no clue who this is. Actress? Model? Reality Star? Let’s invent a back story for her. Let’s see. She looks like she starred in a teenage coming-of-age story a la American Pie or Superbad. I peg her as the hot unattainable girl with heart of gold and ice cream filled coochie. She slowly discovers the redeeming qualities of our protagonist and ends up dating him. And…cut!!

Fast forward to the real life sequel and here’s what they don’t tell you. That heart of gold? Lies!!! All lies!! She’s as bitchy as they come. And that sweet poontang? It gave me, ahem, it gave our protagonist something vicious.

Unrelated note: The clap really does itch and that discharge?? It doesn’t smell like roses, that’s for sure.

Guest post by Captain Swarthy.

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