Paris isn’t going to Rwanda

Paris Hilton caught a lucky break as her philanthropic trip to Rwanda next month has been postponed. The agency sponsoring the trip cites “restructuring” as the cause.

“Due to the restructuring of the Playing for Good Foundation, the philanthropic trip to Rwanda that the foundation had previously planned with Paris has been postponed,” the children’s charity said Thursday in a statement.

Paris must be in tears. November was the perfect month to “make her mark on the world.” Now they have to reschedule it. What if they reschedule to December? Jesus, Paris would lose it. She’d have to spend both Christmas and New Years Eve in Africa. Think of all the parties and all the random tongues down her throat she’d miss. She might kill herself. Except, she’d be too stupid to accomplish that. One day her sister will find her in the bathtub clutching a bottle of vitamins in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other while she sobs, “Goodbye cruel world.”