Britney Spears

Life wouldn’t be complete without a plethora of Britney Spears updates. So here’s your ball of doughy goodness for today.

Britney Spears isn’t threatened by the fires raging through Southern California. She says fire only burns wood and she’s not made out of wood so she’ll be safe. Unless, fire burns more than wood. And if it does, she’ll just tell it to stop in a very stern voice. That way it’ll know she’s not joking around.

At Cold Stone yesterday, a paparazzi ran into Britney while she was trying to enjoy her ice cream. A piece of advice to the photog. Don’t get between Britney and her desserts. It’s like taking fish away from a hungry bear, but 20x worse.

Britney Spears has regained visitation rights with her children. It was reinstated after she showed proof she could be reached by phone. She has still not regained visitation rights with the Hershey’s milk chocolate factory. Not even with supervision.

The NYDN says Britney’s new album, Blackout, sounds like a robot singing or as they write, “If a blowup sex doll could sing, this is what she’d sound like.” Please NYDN. Do not refer to Britney in any sexual manner. That’s just gross.