Britney Spears

Looks like Britney has a new man. The unwitting victim goes by the name Michael Marchand. Mr. Marchand works as a hospitality coordinator, what common folk call “waiter”. According to Life and Style:

“Brit instantly fell for Michael when she was at Mirabelle in early November. “Their chemistry was immediate. He’s very turned on by her,” says an insider.”

Aren’t people supposed to date up? Britney’s gone from Justin to K-Fed to random sex partners to this waiter. To think, we all used to joke about K-Fed. Look who’s laughing now.

According to Yelp and Mirabelle’s website, they serve fairly high-quality food with a classy atmosphere. Hold on, let me scan the menu.. yup, no mention of fried chicken and burgers. If eating involves utensils, count Britney out. Place a dinner fork in front of her and she would stare at you as if you had just pulled a sack of marbles out of your rectum.*

*I have tried this. Indeed, it is quite shocking and perplexing to people. Also quite messy. – Captain Swarthy