Britney Spears

Us Magazine says that on November 18 shortly before 1 a.m. Britney Spears went shopping at the Hustler porn shop in West Hollywood. Britney took a bunch of underwear to try on, but the store wouldn’t allow it. Probably citing procedures given to them by the CDC specific to Britney and underwear. They say Britney appeared upset, but it was hard to tell behind those vacant eyes. A source recants, “She looked out of it. There was nothing going on behind her eyes.”

Not one to be defeated, Britney took off her underwear in front of 15 other customers and tried on boyshorts with “Barely Legal” ironically stitched across the back. Customers could have sworn they heard the elastic cry out in pain.

An eyewitness tells Us, “The employees kept saying ‘Don’t change out here!’ She’s just like, ‘Well, I couldn’t take them in the fitting room!’ It was like dealing with a child.”

Spears’ tantrum only continued. “The staff told her she had to pay, and she rolled her eyes, but paid with a credit card,” the source tells Us. As payback, “on her way out, she went up to a mannequin, snatched the wig off the head, and stole it!”

Between the masturbating vagrants and naked Britney Spears, Hustler sounds dangerous and uninviting. That’s why I don’t go there anymore. That and I’m banned for life for whatever reason. I mean, who buys a Real Doll without test driving it first?