Britney Spears

On Halloween, Britney Spears dressed up as a pirate, but decided that she would rather wear waitress Nicole Calvin’s clothes instead. She ended up trading outfits in the bathroom. A few playful lines of lesbian banter later, Britney took off with her clothes and never called back.

“It was random,” Calvin tells Us Weekly in its new issue, on newsstands now. “Britney laughed the whole time and commented about how perky my boobs were and that she wished she’d had hers done.”

Now, Nicole and Us Magazine are auctioning off the dress on eBay with proceeds going to the Make a Wish Foundation. Read the auction carefully. Decontamination kit not included. There may also be the possibility of some feces stains. Tread lightly my friends. I’d hate to see your life ruined by whatever disease is thriving on Britney’s pirate costume instead of that unplanned pregnancy you’ve always dreamed of.