Britney Spears

According to The NYDN, Britney Spears keeps a secret sex room filled with whips, ticklers and handcuffs on the second floor and has baby / dog feces smeared all over her white couches. She might also be pregnant again.

The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits, according to an “insider” who stumbled into the den of sin.

“She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid’s uniform and a Cinderella outfit,” claims the mole. The source also contends Brit is so obsessed with Marilyn Monroe that she wants her nose redone to look like the blond model of self-destruction.

“Britney is sexually obsessed,” the source tells Star.

Star’s source also claims the house is a stinky sty – that the white couches bear hideous stains of diaper-changing and Britney’s dog. According to the tab, a “court-appointed watchdog” is set to declare the place a potential “health hazard.”

I can’t say I’m surprised. When I think “Britney Spears”, this is what pops into my head. A perennially pregnant, filthy, sex-crazed lunatic clinging onto the final days of her youth. It won’t be long until we see this self-absorbed train wreck produce her final masterpiece, 1Britney2Cups. It’ll be what the Mona Lisa was to Picasso.