Christina Aguilera

I present to you my solution to world hunger. Christina Aguilera. Specifically. Christina Aguilera’s lactating breasts. She could feed Ethiopia with those sweater puppies. WHO would write about her in journals like she was Jesus Christ. “And the streets were bathed in milk. Not one family would go hungry again.” You know those Girls Gone Wild commercials where women rub themselves and try to act sexy while their thin white t-shirts are being doused with water? I imagine that’s what her baby will be doing with her breast milk.

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