Janice Dickinson

Self-proclaimed “World’s First Supermodel” Janice Dickinson is on some UK show called I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. It features her and some other people in a jungle doing reality tv show things. Look, I’m too lazy to look it up to know what it’s really about. The point is Janice Dickinson got into an argument with Lynne Franks and threatened to steal her bed and eat her tits.

The blood-curdling vow was heard by a shocked J Brown after he made an everyday comment about beds.

He said: “We’ve got bed envy. Look at your two beds. They are really dry and comfortable.”

Janice said about Lynne: “I’m going to stab her in the middle of the night and take hers. You think I’m kidding? I’ll eat her tits. I’ll fry up those big old boobs.”

Pretending you’re a cannibalistic Jack the Ripper is a good way to freak anyone out and get what you want. This can be applied to everyday life. Your officemate got a raise while your salary still isn’t enough to feed a family of rats? Threaten to to cut off your boss’s testicles and eat them if you don’t get a bump in pay. Cable repair guy blowing you off? Threaten to rip out his small intestine by attaching a vacuum to his anus if he doesn’t come between the designated times of 12 p.m. and 6 p.m.. It’ll be so shocking that they’ll have to listen to you, right? What can go wrong?