Hulk Hogan

Last Tuesday, Linda Hogan filed for divorce from her husband of 23 years, Hulk Hogan. When the St. Petersburg Times asked the Hulkster for a comment on Friday, he said, “Whaaaa?!” or “No one divorces the Hulkster, brother,” or maybe this,

Reached by phone on Friday night, Terry Bollea said he had no idea his wife had filed for divorce. When informed during the call that the paperwork was submitted on Tuesday, Bollea said politely, “Thank you for the great information,” and hung up.

He called back about five minutes later.

“I’m kind of shocked,” he said. “You caught me off-guard. My wife has been in California for about three weeks. … Holy smokes. Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me. … I just pulled over to the side of the road for five minutes to find out what was going on here.”

Things aren’t going so great for the Hogan family. Their daughter has a penis, their son put his friend in a coma, Linda Hogan gave birth to them and Hulk Hogan has an ongoing love affair with doo-rags. Now that I think about it, maybe the doo-rag caused the rift in their marriage. Does he wear it during sex? If not, that would be pretty creepy. I’d think 23 years of watching a guy with a ring of long, frosty locks around his obviously bald head grunting and poking you for 5 minutes is enough of a reason to contemplate divorce. The judge should be pretty sympathetic.