Britney Spears

For anyone who didn’t already know, Lynne Spears thinks of her two kids as cash cows and uses every opportunity she has to cash in on their fame. Even if it means forcing them into the spotlight and selling their stories to the highest bidder. Us says Lynne Spears made sure to keep Britney out of the loop on the OK! Magazine deal to make sure Britney didn’t screw up Lynne’s payday. Us Weekly talked to some of Jamie’s friends who said she never even wanted to be a celebrity while her co-star on Zoey 101 says,

“Jamie wanted something different for her life, and her mom put her in situations she didn’t want to be in,”

What a fantastic mother. The first thing Lynne Spears probably did when Jamie told her she was pregnant was make that slot machine lever pulling motion with her arm and go “Cha-ching!”

In other news, there’s a rumor that Casey Aldridge is being paid off to pretend he’s the father to cover up for an older executive who works on Zoey 101 so he won’t face statutory rape charges. Wow. Being a Spears must feel like living in a magical fairy tale full of never ending possibilities.