Britney Spears was about to leave a gas station in Van Nuys after buying some gum when she went back and stole a lighter off the display case. She then turned around, looked in the camera and sarcastically said,

“I stole something. Oh, I’m bad. Ohhhhh!”

Luckily, the store owner isn’t going to press charges for the $1.39 lighter and has even said he wants her to come by more often. This guy missed a perfect opportunity. If this was me, I’d have jumped over the counter and punched her out. After which, I imagine someone in the crowd would slowly start clapping and eventually, all of L.A. would erupt in thunderous applause. I’d become king of Hollywood and fair maidens would feed me grapes while I lie on my golden bed watching my lesbian fantasies come to fruition. I don’t see how it could end any other way.

Bonus video: Britney cussing out the paps. It’s scary how fat people have a dark side. I thought they were supposed to be jovial all the time.