David Beckham

Victoria Beckham has gone on the offensive after people claimed David Beckham’s junk on his new Giorgio Armani ad was digitally enhanced.

But the Spice Girl insists what’s pictured in the pair of white briefs is all his. She says, “I’m proud I still have a really good sex life with David. He is very much in proportion. He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!”

Having never studied a tractor exhaust pipe in detail, I searched for it. Apparently, David’s penis starts out thick, then suddenly turns thin and the whole thing bends outward and has a gaping hole at the end. Is that what a penis is supposed to look like? No wonder women laugh when I pull down my pants.