David Blaine

David Blaine’s earlier foray into death defying stunts involved accidentally drowning in a giant fishbowl. Sadly, he survived, performed another stunt and is now set to perform the greatest feat known to 6th graders around the world. Staying up past his bedtime. In fact, the world’s most asinine magician is already training to break the world record for most hours without sleep.

“I’m dropping 30 pounds,” he told me. “I do two hours every day on the treadmill. I’m on a raw diet that includes brown rice. No red meat. No animal products besides cooked fish.

To prove this trick is as dangerous as it seems, David tells of Peter Tripp who in 1959 suffered brain damaged after staying awake for eight days. Oh, and there was also that 17-year-old kid who stayed up for 11½ days in 1964 and recovered fully, but PETER TRIPP… BRAIN DAMAGE. Oooooo! David says,

“After 36 hours of sleep deprivation it’s like being drunk, 72 hours and paranoia sets in, Day Four the mind goes into hallucinations and you’re dreaming while awake. The problem is there’s no way to know how to offset brain damage or to train for this because there isn’t sufficient research. I believe the first guy’s mistake was not being in great physical condition. Also he used stimulants to keep awake, which I assume did him in.

They say this might take place in Central Park in May so I plan on going there to sing lullabies to David while I snuggle up with a pillow in my PJ’s next to him. Then if that doesn’t work, I’ll shoot him with enough horse tranquilizer so that his next trick will be to see how long it takes for him to wake up from his extended nap. What? No, that’s not called a coma. That’s called magic!