Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez is reportedly so freaked out over the side-effects from her pregnancy that she has gone into hiding. Evidently, no one told her getting fat was part of the deal. Curse you mother nature.

“She is huge and freaking out. Her face has become really puffy from retaining a lot of water,” a source told international press. “She plans to do a Victoria Beckham now and hibernate for the last few months. You won’t be seeing much of her in public from now on.” Lopez’s rep weighs in saying, “This is ridiculous and untrue. She is happy and healthy.”

A warm feeling best described as joy fills women’s hearts whenever they’re compared to a bear. Sometimes they’re so happy that they turn red and start swinging their fists at you. Aw, how sweet. You want to give me a massage?