Jenna Jameson blows kisses

Quick! Duck! STDs supposedly are not airborne viruses, but science has not officially studied this girl yet. However, my sources say her STDs are stored in underground, airtight containers. One flick of the finger by Bush and little crabs will descend on the Taliban like Airborne Rangers.

Now, those are just MY sources, so I can’t say for sure that Jenna has STDs. However, her vagina’s been stretched more than Silly Putty. When she showed up at the red carpet for the opening of Cathouse in Las Vegas, guests behind her asked where the cheese tray was. That’s all the evidence you need.

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy